Healthy sexuality requires the development and use of specific personal and interpersonal skills. These skills will help a young person to identify and live according to his/her values, make effective decisions and take responsibility for them, and communicate effectively with family, friends and other members of the society. Some of the skills we'll be looking at include values clarification, positive self-esteem, goal-setting and decision-making, communication, as well as assertiveness and negotiation skills. Click on the links below to learn about these skills:

Values clarification

Self-esteem

Goal-setting

Decision-making

Values clarification

Values are strong beliefs or feelings we have about important issue such as friendship, money, parenting, sex, drugs, gender roles, etc. Our values guide our decisions and behaviour. Our values are influenced by our family, religion, culture and lately the media, which has increasingly become an important factor in deciding the values we adopt. Kids and young people spend much more hours watching television and listening to music than their parents did while growing up, and the messages they get are increasingly contradicting traditional values, causing young people to question them and leading to conflicts with parents.

Because of the significance of values in our lives, it is important to clarify to ourselves what our convictions are about the numerous issues we deal with in life. Here are some things to keep in mind as you try to determine your values.

• Values should be freely chosen after the alternatives and their consequences have been evaluated.
• Children receive most of their values from parents, other family members, community, cultural and religious teachings, the media and from peers.
• Members of the same family may have different values.
• Friends may have different values.
• People who feel strongly about their values often share and affirm them publicly.
• To behave according to one's values can be challenging, but usually results in feelings of pride and positive self-esteem.
• People who try to behave according to their values feel good about themselves, while a person who behaves contrary to his/her own values may feel guilty or uncomfortable.
• There are consequences for behaving according to or against one's values.
• Relationships are usually stronger if the two people share similar values.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem is the judgment or feeling we have about ourselves. It could be high or low; is forever changing, and is a result of accumulation of events. Someone with high self- esteem recognises his or her own strength and skills, improves them and can accept successes and achievements. Such an individual relates easily with others and feels secure in social relationships. An individual with low self-esteem on the other hand, is somewhat "anti-social", lacks confidence and sees challenges as problems too much to cope with. One may have a low self-esteem, if he or she is constantly ignored, laughed at, disliked by peers or is shy and has trouble with intimacy. Because our self-esteem is so important in determining what we do with our lives, it is necessary to have positive self-esteem. Following are some important stuff to keep in mind about self-esteem:

• Each individual has unique and special strengths.
• It is alright to feel good about oneself.
• A stable and loving family positively influences one's self-esteem.
• With love and support, any person can feel valued and special.
• Low self-esteem can make decision-making difficult.
• The way you feel about yourself has a great deal to do with how you express yourself through activities and work.
• Frustrating situations can cause low self-esteem.

Goal-setting

Everyone should set goals for their lives, because it is an important part of life-planning. Goals provide a guide for the decisions we make and gives meaning and direction to our activities. Following are some stuff to keep in mind about goal-setting:

• Goals help to clarify our values.
• Many people find it difficult to set goals for the future.
• Goal-setting is an individual responsibility and involves making decisions and taking risks.
• Making informed choices (i.e. after you have checked the facts, considered the consequences) reduces risk-taking and enhances achievement of goals.
• A sense of accomplishment comes with achieving set goals.
• There are societal rewards for the achievement of goals.

Tips for successful goal-setting

• Know exactly what you set out to achieve.
• It is easier to accomplish goals if you take one step at a time.Set time limits to have your goals achieved.
• Be determined to achieve your goals by directing energy and resources towards achieving them .
• Sometimes, one can take a wrong turn or get a little lost, but do not be discouraged, because you can always adjust your course!

Decision-making

Everyone should set goals for their lives, because it is an important part of life-planning. Goals provide a guide for the decisions we make and gives meaning and direction to our activities. Following are some stuff to keep in mind about goal-setting:

• Decision-making is a skill that can be improved.
• People make decisions in different ways: by impulse, by making the same decision friends make, by letting someone else decide, and by testing the choices.
• To make wise decisions, you need to have adequate information about each choice and must consider these choices.
• Parents and other adults can help young people with making decisions.
• Alcohol and other drugs often interfere with good decision-making.
• The best decision is usually one that is consistent with one's values and does not involve risking one's health or breaking the law.
• You are responsible for the consequences of your decisions.
• Many of our decisions affect other people.
• Evaluating past decisions can help one learn from his/her own experiences and not repeat mistakes.
• Some decisions have legal implications.